Key takeaways
- Physical touch is one of the most potent love languages
- The individual’s attachment style determines their touch preferences
- The association between happiness and touch satisfaction in relationships is positive
A recent study found that physical touch is almost the most preferred love language. Technically, the most preferred option was quality time, with 40.8% of respondents choosing it. However, physical touch is very, very close behind with 40%. Words of affirmation, acts of kindness, and gifts complete the top five with 22.7%, 13.6%, and 4%.
Physical touch creates a sense of mutual trust and soothes the mind by activating the release of oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and other brain chemicals. Another study explored the connection between momentary affectionate touch, cortisol, and oxytocin levels, and feelings of well-being. The results, reported in 2023, found a link between touch, lower anxiety and stress, and increased oxytocin levels. Affectionate touch was also associated with higher happiness and decreased cortisol levels.
The role of one’s attachment style in touch preferences
Affectionate positions like spooning build intimacy and promote connection and relaxation. However, it’s a complex area. Some people can never get enough touch, while others might want less than they’re receiving. One’s attachment style determines their touch preferences.
Attachment styles are formed during infancy and childhood through interactions with caregivers and reflect how people tend to approach relationships. They are determined by a large number of factors, including whether the caregiver was physically and emotionally available and how much reassurance they provided. If they were inconsistently available, the child forms an anxious attachment pattern, whereas those who were ignored or neglected by caregivers develop more avoidant patterns, and intimacy makes them uncomfortable.
The research speaks
A recent study explored the link between attachment anxiety and avoidance and the level of satisfaction with how much physical touch people were receiving from their spouses. Researchers studied 180 married couples, most of whom in their 30s, who had been married for an average of 6.5 years. Spouses who were happier with how much touch they were receiving and who touched each other more were happier and more sexually satisfied in their marriages. Husbands were less satisfied with the amount of touch they were getting than wives, and people in newer relationships were more satisfied with touch than people who had been in their relationships longer.
The connection between touch and anxiety levels
Anxiously attached individuals were less satisfied with touch. This association disappeared for female participants when accounting for routine affection but not for male ones. The connection between touch satisfaction and anxiety was only a function of how much touch women were receiving, but for men, satisfaction was about more than that. When there was a lot of routine affection, men reported high levels of satisfaction irrespective of their anxiety level. Little routine touch affected anxious men much more deeply and negatively than men who weren’t anxious, but this pattern wasn’t observed for women. It was speculated that anxious women responded to touch dissatisfaction differently, perhaps actively seeking more physical touch from their husbands.
One final relevant study, in which 7,880 people in 37 countries took part, explored the connection between physical touch and love in romantic partnerships. There was a positive and significant connection between love and affectionate touch behaviors, and researchers were able to replicate this result after including relevant control factors. Data strongly suggests that loving touch is a stable feature of romantic relationships, reliably associated with the intensity of love that partners report.
Recap
- Avoidantly attached people are uncomfortable with physical touch
- Anxiously attached people tend to crave more
- Men are less satisfied with the amount of touch they are getting than women
- People in newer relationships are more satisfied with it than people in longer ones.
