stella

Oh no the baby’s awake!

To get wifi in our home, we had to install a landline. I’m not exactly sure how that works, but right now for the first time in five years we have a local phone number that’s not a cell phone or skype. We’re like official.

No one calls us on the landline. I use it to call people for interviews occasionally or to talk to people in the States, like my editor (not for this blog, obviously), but it pretty rarely has incoming calls. I think like 5 people in the whole world know our number.

Yet, every day, that phone rings. And rings. And freaking rings. We started getting one or two calls a day, now it’s up to like six. And there’s no voice mail, they just keep ringing until the person gets sick of torturing us.

Inevitably the phone rings just as Stella is getting settled down. Normally if I’m up, I’ll just answer it and hang up quickly. But often I have to wave frantically at Drew, while holding Stella, who is usually either nursing to sleep or recently fell asleep and I mime-scream the words: “ANSWER THE PHONE! QUICK QUICK” while waving my one free hand wildly in the air.

Then Stella opens her eyes and I sit very still and watch her with baited breath as she slowly drifts back to sleep and meanwhile Drew is on the phone with someone, who knows who, squirming uncomfortably through the conversation.

“Uh… puedes hablar ingles?”

“No, okay… uh, Hernandez? no hay una persona aqui se llama Hernandez…”

“Uh…”

And I’m in the background whisper-shouting at him: “DREW HANG UP THE PHONE, YOU CAN JUST HANG UP THE PHONE, IT’S OKAY…”

And Drew’s now deep into it, “Si somos de los estadios unidos, pero estamos viviendo aqui, en Mexico, uh como? uh….”

“No entiendo.”

“No se. Uh, Tenemos dos hijos.”

HANG UP THE PHONE DREW!

“Um, no one here is named Hernadez! Uh… We work online?”

(Still whisper-shouting) DREW OH MY GOD YOU ARE KILLING ME!

“Espera, que quieres…? I don’t know, my wife is a writer.”

JUST SAY GOOD BYE AND HANG UP THE PHONE WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM WHO WE ARE?

“Ok. I have to … go.. ok.. bye.”

Drew hangs up. I’m shaking my head laughing. “What was that about?”

“I have NO idea.”

And we do this at least once a day.