Where have I been? Just 7,000 ft above sea level. Living in Quetzaltenango, Guatemala (everyone calls it Xela, which sounds like Sha-La). With a Guatemalan family. Taking 5 hours of Spanish lessons a day. Which is like finding out that yes, indeed, you really do suck.
Warning: This post includes geeky Spanish grammer stuff. Don’t speak Spanish? Don’t worry, neither do I. Ok maybe a little.

Here’s the truth. Learning Spanish makes me feel like I have a learning disability. I learn everything quickly, but this… this is hard.
I can memorize verbs and vocab. I’ve even gotten better at understanding my host mom. But for everything I know, there are huge gaps. I struggle for words that should be easy. How do I say, “I was going to do something, but didn’t”? Do I use iba + a + inf and add a pero, no at the end? What’s the word for table leg or street curb or street sign for that matter? I don’t have enough adjectives, and the ones I have seem to mean something other than the straight translation from my dictionary. Alegre is happy, but it seems to mean pleasant. Bonita is pretty, but I use it too much. Should I use bien or bueno (or buen for that matter)? If someone wishes you a nice day, should I say adios or buenos dias or iqualmente or y usted? Does it matter? Can I use tu with someone I just met that’s younger than me? Should I kiss someone on the cheek the first time I meet them? What if it’s a guy?
And movies. Dear lord. If you want to test yourself, watch a film in Spanish without subtitles. Everyone knows I’m learning here… I am with a family associated with the school. They speak slower. They search for vocab that after 10 years of hosting students, they’re pretty sure I know. But the movies don’t care about that. In the movies, they speak quickly, use slang and expressions, and if I’m lucky I pick up 25% of it.
I watched Diaras de Motociclatas and until the end, I didn’t realize that they were experts in Leprosy. Figuring that out in the closing credits changed everything.
But I’m happy. I am ridiculously happy and I love it here.

It’s also fustrating and it makes me want to quit learning Spanish. That’s how you know you’re really learning… when it becomes so impossible that you secretly wonder if you could just give up on trying to become fluent.
But everyday I learn 5 new words. Really and truly learn and understand them. I become familiar with dozens more. I’m exposed to hundreds. It’s frustrating because I know more than I can speak. In the moment I throw out incorrect conjugations. I use saber instead of conocer or estar instead of ser. Sometimes I just say the infinitive just to get the point across. People aren’t going to wait while I wilt under the gun.
And the city. It’s not traditionally pretty. From the roof of my school, I can see the entire city, but it’s a sprawl of single story buildings. Up close, it can be messy or dirty and in areas just plain lovely. But the gestalt of it is beautiful. It’s difficult to capture in a photo. But I love the way the homes are built around an internal courtyard that serves as a garden or meeting place. I love the street markets with dangerous looking fruit. I’m charmed by the culture shifts. An indigenous woman walks in her traditional wrapped skirt and ribbon braid through her hair with a basket balanced on her head. Her daughter walks with her wearing and Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and pencil leg jeans.
Here I’m a gringo. It’s not as bad as it sounds. A secretary at the language school asked me what the word in English is for gringo. What do we call ourselves, these gringos. The implication being that gringo is the word for foreigner or American or white. I tried to explain, no… but she wasn’t quite satisfied. Gringo is the word for the people who flood this city every summer, and yeah, maybe that sounds bad, but that’s what we are. Foreigners.
So I’m learning. I’m growing a part of my brain that wasn’t there before, and as I do it, I become aware of this other way of thinking. Talking to my host mom for an hour over dinner, the Spanish floods over me and I stop thinking about what verb or how she ended it or what each words mean. I just understand and I have no idea how, because I’m not doing anything. And when I try to find a word, I look away, searching in this new part of my mind, and sometimes things pop out and I don’t know why, but they’re right. Oh crap, didn’t mean to say that. Oh right, that’s correct.
In two more weeks I’ll be leaving, and I wont be fluent. I cant even measure how much I’ve learned, because from my side I still have the same amount of struggles, maybe it’s just with different things
It’s been good. Hard. A great way to spend December. It makes me rethink alot of things. The only regret I have is: Damn. I wish I had done this earlier. Language immersion is absolutely amazing.