8 Common Myths about Flying with Kids

Lately there has been some buzz about the idea of air travel with children (Have Baby Will Travel did a great write up on all the main stream attention this has been getting). Should there be child-free planes? Should there be family sections? People talk about “screaming kids” and parents who are lazy or don’t care.   Sometimes it crosses the line into flat out discrimination against children and families, other times it just flirts with that line under the guise of “airing grievances”.

This year, I’ve flown with my son from the time he was 4 months old and we’ve covered 22,885 miles, 3 continents, 5 countries, 14 flights and 15 cities. I’ve seen the abject horror cross the faces of other passengers when I board and I’ve also flown in other countries where people are so kid-friendly I felt a little guilty as other people rushed in to help. I think there is something of a cultural difference between how we think of children in western countries compared to other parts of the world. Maybe explaining some of these myths will help bridge that gap.

Myth #1: A crying child is a misbehaving child. Crying is not necessarily misbehaving in the sense of a child willfully disobeying his parents.  When I see a crying child on a plane it’s not usually the “give me ice cream or I’ll throw a fit” type of crying, it’s almost always the exhausted, frustrated, too young to cope with air travel tears.

Myth #2: Disciplining your child will stop the crying. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this work, let alone on a plane.  These aren’t fake tears that can be threatened away.

Myth #3: The lazy parent. I think it’s easy to assume a lot of things about another parent, but after being on the other side of it, I think it’s also easy to misinterpret a parent’s actions (or inaction).  I can’t imagine a parent who is so lazy or uncaring that they would let their child cry through a whole flight.  Even if they don’t care about other passengers, there isn’t a person in the world who likes the sound of a child crying.

Myth #4: Parents choose to have children, therefore it is their responsibility to keep them quiet. It’s been a long time since the “child are to be seen but not heard” parenting approach, and while this means children make noise, in public, it also means we have healthier, happier kids who become well adjusted adults.  I try my best to keep my child quiet up to a point — I’m not going to shake him or yell at him or spank him to get him to shut up.  Some of these expectations are unrealistic.

Myth #5: I didn’t have children, therefore, I shouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by yours. Flying on a plane is a public transportation. The same as riding on a bus, taking a train, or using the metro. It’s open to everyone.  No one is entitled to a child-free experience when they fly any more than  if they go to the local park.

Myth #6: Children cry because Mom and Dad are bad parents. Children cry on flights — despite their parent’s best efforts. Kids cry because they are hungry, tired, bored, frustrated, too hot, too crowded or just because.  Some of these things you can fix on a plane (like giving the child a snack) other things are just the conditions of flying (like being too crowded).

Myth #7: Children who do not cry on flights are a result of the parents are doing their job. Actually, they are probably just lucky parents whose child is having a good flight or the kid is naturally a little more laid back. I have an incredibly easy going baby, and as much as I’d like to take credit for his smiling, happy, chirpy baby ways, I really can’t.  Even my extremely happy baby will cry on occasion.

Myth #8: Drinking and parenting don’t mix. If a parent orders a cocktail on a flight, and the baby cries at all during that flight, the popular logic is that Parent + Cocktail = Bad Parenting = Crying Baby. Personally, I think every parent should be given two shots of vodka at boarding and they should keep those drinks coming. Traveling on a plane with a child is stressful. Drinking isn’t bad parenting, at this point it’s just common sense.

If people are truly concerned about crying children on planes, here are some things that could be done to help the situation:

1. Allow families with children to skip all lines. Wait, what?  Well, yes, if it bothers you to be around crying kids, then make the kids happier.  Waiting in line to check-in, to go through security, to get onto the plane… these are very difficult tasks for a child to complete. It wears down their ability to cope with the flight later.   (I’ve also found this to be standard in other countries, they will even pull you out of line to skip ahead if they see your child).

2. If you see a family in distress, try to help. When I’ve flown in other countries, I have a hard time not accepting help — children are part of everyone’s life and it’s part of their culture to help out.  An Indian woman filled out my customs forms on the way to Bali. A Ukrainian woman, who spoke no English, reached over and took my baby and played with him for a half an hour (she asked, non verbally for permission). I’ve had other people help with bags or offer the baby food or just wave at me and the baby. It really helps.

3. If you would really like to create a family section on the plane, I suggest donating all those elite status upgrades. Free first class upgrades to anyone with a kid under 5 who is brave enough to fly!

4. If it really bothers you, there are always ear plugs. Or you could listen to music.  It’s just noise after all.

Perhaps I’m being too pedantic, maybe the simple solution is a pair of headphones.  Doesn’t that make more sense then making a “family section” on the plane or kid-free flights?

Pic: Mccord, ajbruistein