Connecting the Dots
11. Jan, 2010 
21 Comments
There was a time when the scariest thing I could think of doing was quitting my job and taking off overseas with just a laptop and a vague plan of becoming a writer. Now I’m maybe 6 weeks away (maybe more, depends on which due date you believe) from meeting this baby and changing everything all over again. I don’t know which was scarier… maybe it’s reassuring to know that everyone has kids, and that there’s a well-worn path to motherhood. On the other hand, you can never really know how it’ll be for you, and I feel much the same way as I did preparing for that fateful flight to Madrid two years ago. Excited, nervous, hopeful but utterly unsure of what my life is about to change into.
It’s brought me closer to my work, in a way. After a bit, most people accept your traveling lifestyle, or at least you become adept at answering questions and deflecting negativity. Someone would write me, asking “How do I deal with this person?” and I found myself struggling to connect to what that felt like. My answer now (tell them the truth and move on) isn’t particularly helpful to someone who is carving a new life but still hasn’t blown through all those roadblocks. Yet as a Mom-to-be, I’m instantly reminded of the “right-way folks” and the “well-aren’t-you-lucky snarks” and everyone else who seemingly has some agenda about how you live. I’m battling all over again, this time on different ground.
It’s through this process, that I’ve come to suspect that there is a growing wave of folks wanting to “do something different”. It’s not just the would-be-travelers but the natural parenting movement too. It’s not just the digital nomads working remotely, but also the unschoolers and their creative tykes. There’s something that doesn’t work about modern life–for some of us and instead of dropping out, we’re building up.
I recently read an article stating that 50% of Americans don’t like their jobs. I’ve never been someone who assumed that everyone who worked a 9-5 was unhappy. Nor do I believe that corporations are inherently evil (in fact, after working in one, I think most silo-structured companies do harm out of ignorance, not greed). But there is something to a number as high as 50%. If you went to college, do you remember what it felt like to pick your major? There was an excitement, an unknown future and it was full of possibility. We lose that, chalk it up to maturing and decide that being practical is more important than happiness. We settle. Or at least half of us do.
I really wouldn’t recommend that half the US quits their jobs and starts a new career. But for those people who want that, who are ready, and feel a need—a real honest to god desire to do something drastically different, then we’re here. It might have started with the make-money onliners or the backpackers or the passive-incomers or the lifestyle redesigners, but slowly it seems to be growing into something else. It’s not a pat “how to be happy” manifesto or some new age philosophy. It’s definitely not one-size fits all. In fact, there is only one rule: do what makes you happy.
Ah, but the details. How do you feed, clothe and shelter oneself during all this happiness? Yes, well, that’s the trick. It’s not easy, at least not in the conventional sense, where easy is going to a job you hate every day, buying things to make yourself feel better, but ultimately feeling the big fat “what now?” instead. That’s easy. This takes a little practice. A few false starts. And once you get there, you might have to do it all over again (like I am now, as my husband and I start our family).
So that’s my goal for 2010. To put my arms around this idea as best I can. To better understand what it means to be a traveler—not just for a summer or a year, but through major life changes. How technology, community and the online space can help us create lifestyles that incorporates all the things we love, removes what’s not working and simplifies in the process. What is the core value that we’re all working towards? Is it more time? Less stress? Increased freedom? Is unplugging enough? Or do you have to fill that space with meaning? And what the heck is meaning anyway?
Two years in, and I’m still figuring it out.
pic: ecstaticist
It’s not always possible to know all the answers, but there are limitless questions you can ask.
It sounds like your life is going to take a big turn and that’s cool. These days traveling with children can be done. Look at Adam Baker from Man vs. Debt.
Good luck!
Gordie´s last blog ..The Three F-words You Must Know To Succeed.
Seriously….two years ago? It seems like yesterday. Another great post! Looking forward to meeting your little one too….good luck in the next few weeks!! Cheers!
Gillian´s last blog ..Thai Mass-‘Ouch’
I like your take on being a “meta-traveler.” And wow, you’re pondering many of the same things I did in my most recent post. Where I am now in my life is where you were two years ago. Nice work connecting the dots
Keith´s last blog ..The Career Crisis
I think the important thing with all of it is to keep reminding yourself what is important and what makes you happy. And, to do more of the things that make you happy. Then, to teach your kid to do that too, to be aware of him/herself, and the world around. I wish I had been aware of all the other options out there before I went out into the world. That is what I want to teach my kid – how to look for the options, and to be open to all the options.
Anda´s last blog ..New Year
Anda- Love your blog name, “Postits from Plan B” Very cool.
Thanks, Christine. Nearly two years after leaving my big firm job, I am finally figuring things out. : ) It’s a process, as you said.
Anda´s last blog ..New Year
Hi – thanks for this insightful post. Being five months into a year-long trip with my two school-age kids, I’ve come to firmly believe that this kind of travel/lifestyle change enhances parenting and pure happiness in numerous ways and cultivates the kinds of values and characteristics — e.g. self-reliance, gratitude, flexibility, openness to different ways of living and cultures — that lead to happy and well-rounded kids. I’m oversimplifying things here, but my main point is I think your lifestyle change and travel experience have made you extremely well prepared to be a great parent!
FWIW, the best parenting advice I ever got also applies to long-term travel: “Expect the unexpected” and “do what works.”
Take care & good luck,
Sarah
(currently on West Coast of New Zealand, http://away-together.com)
Sarah Lavender Smith´s last blog ..Tips for Touring Abel Tasman National Park
Great post Christine. I agree 100% as usual. It is TOUGH changing your life. I’m about 2.5 months out from the big trip and now I’m trying to buy a house – WTF? But things change and now I want to be a traveler with a home to come back to. But making it all happen is the hardest part without a doubt. How to live the life you want, have the money to do it and then have kids on top of it? I never thought it would be so hard to break from the mold but it is. However I am the happiest I have ever been and believing more and more in the fact that things will happen the way they are supposed to. I think what we are all really working toward is becoming. Becoming ourselves and making some sort of change in the world. “Having it all” is a completely different definition now then it was for our parents.
Bethany´s last blog ..Somewhere In Time – Graveyard Musicians
BTW, I really love the picture with this post!
Bethany´s last blog ..Somewhere In Time – Graveyard Musicians
Great post, Christine, and one that really resonates with me at the moment as today is my first day of being unemployed after volunteering for redundancy at my previous work (which I pretty much hated going into every day). I’ve really got no great future plan except for a vague notion of making money from travel writing and my associated website. Sound familiar?
Part of me wants to pack up and go hit the road again RIGHT NOW, while the rest of me knows that I should really get another job and wait a few months until the weather improves in the northern hemisphere. Which option I’ll take, I really don’t know. All that I do know is that whatever happens will almost certainly be unrelated to any of the plans I might make now. That’s the way it’s been for the last decade and I don’t see that changing now.
Moving countries every few years, quitting jobs, offloading possessions and travelling for long periods of time – it’s an uncertain way to live, but I’ve grown to love it and wouldn’t have it any other way. Knowing what each day will bring when I wake up every morning is a much, MUCH scarier option.
Dave´s last blog ..Goodbye stuff, hello world
Very inspiring post. As elequently stated earlier by Sarah, I think your journeys have well prepared you for parenthood. Just remember, the landscape changes almost as quickly with kids. What you are dealing with one month may be like a completely different planet than what you had been dealing with the month before or after. (I’m trying to say baby phases change quickly so hang in there when things are tough.)
I love your observation that we are doing things differently now, and different is becoming more the norm. People are more into the journey than about getting through it to retirement, and that is worth applause. It is not the easy path, but it is the interesting path. And I’ll take an interesting life over easy any day.
Lora´s last blog ..San Diego Here We Come
do we ever figure it out? is it a lifetime process?
great post!
Adriana´s last blog ..Dia de los Reyes in Spain
My second last post was about fighting negativity and realizing that redesigning your life doesn’t have to be one path. Aren’t some of us trying to escape the former singular path? Doesn’t make sense to create another one.
I wholeheartedly agree – do what fulfills you. Doesn’t matter what it is. The shape of our world – technology, internet, social networking allows communities to form.
Great post again, Christine!
Nomadic Chick´s last blog ..Gypsy Wednesday – Go Your Own Way
I enjoyed your writing style and find it refreshing and interesting.
Sue Scaletta
Sue Scaletta´s last blog ..What Is The Accounting ?
Having just come to the 1 year anniversary of the “birth” of the Idea for us to travel the globe for a year documenting efforts in enviromental sustainibility I am happy to have written that post from Singapore vs still sitting in a job I was less than happy with. Your blog was a major inspiration for my wife and I and we wish you the best in your new role as Mom.
Keith´s last blog ..Backpacker v. Flashpacker
Hi Christine – Loved the post – you have a great writing style
It’s funny but about a week ago I was sitting at work with two other women my age. One was complaining that she hasn’t done enough in her life besides work. She feels like she keeps spending all of her time now preparing for the future.
Being the happy-go-lucky traveler that I am, I told her that she should do something for herself now – travel, try something new, etc. The other girl chimed in and said that working hard now to provide for your family in the future is not bad at all. She had a completely different view of the situation, and it was very interesting to find out this week (when she made the announcement) that she is pregnant! I immediately understood her comments from the week before.
Having a baby is a huge change in anybody’s life, but I’m sure that you’ll figure out what you need to
Best of luck!
Brooke vs. the World´s last blog ..Avoidable Mistakes
A very nice post with insight. My sister had her first baby a few weeks ago. Before she gave birth she felt exactely the same as you, but when her little daughter came it all just fell into place. The puzzle completed and she has this shine over her, I have never seen her calmer than now, and she doesn’t worry at all.
I think we travel in the world to help out our inner travel. It might sound corny, but when you travel you really see things from a new perspective, you learn so much about yourself, it keeps you in the now, in the moment.
thanks for a good post
Sofia´s last blog ..5 Reasons Why Kyrgyzstan is On My 2010 Travel TO DO List
It really is about truth, your own truth. For many people, me included, travel is about finding their truth by putting the 9-5 behind them. It doesn’t make life any easier it just puts you closer to the edge. It akes away the comfort zone you hide behind. It is so exhilarating.
Graham Phoenix´s last blog ..Earth Pilgrim in 2010
First, I applaud your courage to do this. I am sure, there are many, myself included, who would WISH they could do this but never have the nerve to pull it off. I will be anxious to follow this to see how it goes for you. Best of luck and happy traveling.
Arlene´s last blog ..My Stay-at-Home Getaway
Indeed – I think when we start traveling (especially if it forms part of our career or identity), we have pretty set definitions of what “travel” is and what it means. But life has a funny habit of getting in the way while we’re busy making plans, and sometimes our definition of travel has to change.
The “aha” moment for me came when I realized that it is actually possible to change my definition and style of travel without losing the meaning and intention behind it.
I loved your article. Tomorrow is my last day at work before I start my travels to Thailand and Australia. It is a very scary and amazing experience when you decide to up root your life and throw it to the wind, letting everything fall in its place. Everything feels very right for me at the moment and its as you say if you can be flexible and adaptable to what makes you happy, you can truly find the happiness you want in all parts of your life.
Anna´s last blog ..Too much stuff.