How to Know When You’re On the Wrong Track
09. Mar, 2009 
15 Comments
My husband thinks I should name this post, “Nobody cares if the writer is really good at Excel.” That will be more clear in a moment, but first I want to talk about what I’m good at– really really good at– and that’s starting new projects. It’s what made my short ascent into the corporate world possible. Give me slightest direction and I’m off and running. Client needs a new solution for scanning documents into their information depository? I’m there. I have project plans, a team, a budget, milestones, executive steering committee, a communication plan, client buy-in and most likely a project moniker. I would likely be a very good entrepreneur, if that’s what I wanted to do. You see the thing is, this kind of work is exciting for all about a month, until I’m dragged down into the minutiae a year long project and all I want to do is blow the whole thing up.
I know this about myself. That’s why it was possible to give it up. That’s why I love writing. Every single day, every word, every article, is completely different. It doesn’t get easier, really. It doesn’t become route. I still have to think of an idea, execute it, and sweat over the rewrite. I’m getting faster. Maybe my prose is getting tighter. But it’s still a challenge (the best possible kind) and for that I’m hopelessly addicted.
Except when I’m not. You see, I have this nasty little habit of slipping back into my “business mode”. It’s easy and comfortable. This year I started a number of side projects, that were only tangentially related to writing. A new blog, a travel index website, a website partnership, and others (and yes there were more). Then suddenly it began to dawn on me. I was avoiding the difficult work of building a traditional writing career, by focusing what I knew I could do easily: build an online business.
My husband finds this hysterically funny that I would “realize” this, because he’s been harping on my Excel spreadsheet, project planning ways for months now.
But sometimes it’s really hard to recognize that you’ve gone off the rails a bit. In hindsight, it’s easy to see now, all the signs were there.
I had an uneasy feeling. I was sure something wasn’t quite right, but I couldn’t decide what.
I was reluctant. I didn’t want dive too deeply into these projects, and I couldn’t shake that desire to procrastinate.
I felt like I had Deja-vu. What haven’t I don’t this before? Isn’t this the same path that leads me to that place where I’m over committed and under fulfilled?
I was bothered because I felt like I was missing something. That idea on the tip of your tongue feeling haunted me, like I had a dream or a passing thought that I had forgotten, but I sensed was important.
I’d hide when things got rough with the writing. What? This American Life, doesn’t want to publish my amazing, previously untold story about my time in Guatemala? I spent FOREVER on that! Ugh. Time to analyze web stats!
I started making the excuses. I decided somewhere along the line that this new direction, would eventually free me up even more to focus on my writing. Seriously? More freed-up than say, oh I don’t know, being a full time writer?
I started to believe my own justifications.
I was procrastinating via redirection. Instead of doing nothing, I was highly productive. I spent an entire weekend trying to integrate a forum with a wordpress install. Seriously, what exactly does this have to do with writing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing, and I wrapped myself up in this and felt good for having accomplished something.
So I launched round two of National Travel Writing Month last week. I need a kick in the butt as much as anyone. I’m trimming away my committments. I’m re-focused. I’m a little scared. Because unlike building a new website, if I work on writing articles for a month, I could very well have nothing to show for it, except a few dozen unanswered emails. But the idea of hiding behind what’s safe and easy for a lifetime, well that’s just frightening.
I completely relate to how easy it is to get off track with your goals. Excel sheets have played a HUGE part in the development and creation of our travel-related website (and most likely in the redesign of my creative services website).
Now that we are launched, the excel sheets keep growing (marketing contacts, seo research, email lists, etc…). It’s easy to get overwhelmed with all of the “potential” projects. I’m lucky that I have a partner so we can keep each other focused on our goals – and hopefully do more writing and creative projects in the process.
Best of luck staying focused on your writing and National Travel Writing Month!
Hello Christine,
I’m a new follower & instant fan. The honesty that shows through in your writing is incredibly refreshing and liberating. Since becoming more active online this last year I’ve been peeling away the layers, revealing more and more of my own truth – first to myself & second to others. I finally got to a place where I dropped alot of the judgment about what I “should have” done and just got all square on what I *have* done. No matter how much I did I always seemed to have that nasty little internal critic raining on my parade, who was just so eager to see what i would do “NEXT”!
I too have been in corp America, w/some “great jobs” at large companies and it just about drove me to insanity. I’ve been self employed for some time now and have been undergoing a pretty substantial overhaul in my perspective on my life and life in general. Vague, yes, but suffice it to say it seems like you’ve plucked out my brain & soul some of the exact same sentiments & thoughts that I’ve had for *many, many* years.
Thank you so much for your candor and willingness to share your thoughts, adventures & life with your readers – it’s been making a huge difference with me already…
Yes, I think all of us as travel writers have one way or another redirected to the ‘easier’ route and lost focus along the way. At some point in time, I had to ask myself, why am I doing all these? When all I wanted to do at the beginning, was to write.
It’s true, it never gets easier or routine. That’s the beauty and fun of it. Thanks Christine for saying it right out. Time to refocus on what we love most.
does this mean our cubicle website is on hold!
nomadicmatt´s last blog post..Staycation
I always enjoy your articles about life. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the travel articles, just that I usually don’t have much to add to those. Then again, I’m not adding much here am I.
Chad @ Sentient Money´s last blog post..Buffett…Fearful???
You’re a girl after my own heart,Christine. Make moves! Start projects! Nobody could ever accuse you of being a slacking writer. It’s a distraction technique that I used to use pretty well back when I was an unfulfilled publicist almost 15 years ago. I’ve been writing so long now that it’s about all I know how to do besides teaching and the energy that teaching sucks out of you has made me leery of ever doing it more than part-time. I totally relate to your situation though. As you become more secure in your writing career you won’t even think about doing anything else. It just takes time.
Fly Girl´s last blog post..Traveling Through A Liberian Childhood
As always, this is a really interesting exploration of a great topic. I’m really good at distracting myself with Excel spreadsheets too.
Sonia´s last blog post..Adventures in public radio
Good points: do what you want. That’s the goal, right?
But god I hate excel. How can anyone spend more than 3 minutes with it an not want to carve out their eyeballs. Ugly, ugly data entry!
I love excel too. I’m great at coming up with projects, mapping them out, organizing them…and then being too bogged down in details to actually implement. (oh, and being afraid that they wouldn’t work!) One of the reasons I’m looking forward to April and the NaTraWriMo – no more excuses!!
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Oh, I thought that this was going to be about you building on online business and quitting the writing thing, because you’re much better at the former. I think people have particular talents and you should follow yours. Dreams always need to be grounded in reality.
@almost realized:
Besides you using my site as your email address (christine@almostfearless.com– original, although I wonder why you wouldn’t use your real identity), I think you have a point. Surely people should follow what they are good at– it only makes sense. But, I can’t. Sorry, but it makes me crazy to even think about my old life, and to be honest, I’d rather be a really bad, underpaid writer, than an excellent sell-out. Maybe it’s not realistic to follow my particular dream, everyone knows that being a writer is not only competitive but not very lucrative– but I have to try. I’m okay with failing– reality be damned. It’s only life after all. Who exactly said “Dreams always need to be grounded in reality”? Who made that rule? I’m not sure I’m willing to buy into that– at least not yet. Who knows, you may be right. We’ll see. But sometimes being right isn’t half as much fun as taking a chance on yourself.
Seems like you’ve been a fly on the wall these last few months
We’ve had so many side projects and new ideas recently that are all wonderful, but the reality is that they distract from what we said we wanted to do: develop our writing skills and become published writers along this journey.
I’m not sure that I’m cut out to be a full-time writer and photographer – the jury (internal and external) is still out on that. But I’ll never know until I actually give it a real try…and stop getting distracted.
Looking forward to National Travel Writing Month – thanks for managing it again this year!
Audrey´s last blog post..Good Morning, Guatemala!
Thanks for a great post. I’ve been wondering lately why I haven’t been working on any of my “planned” projects, and this post gave me a lot of insight into my dilemma. And thanks to Fly Girl for the comment about becoming secure as a writer.
Beth Partin´s last blog post..Poem by Another: “Houses” by Patricia Dubrava
It’s easy to slip into old patterns, isn’t it. Try as I might, I end up doing the same thing. Thanks, I’ll take you post as a wake-up call for my own behavior.
Stevo´s last blog post..Hakka Missle Silos
I’m the opposite, Christine. Don’t mind the writing but don’t think I’ll ever be great at it, but running a business that allow you to work with a view of the beach – now that’s cool!
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