Should, Should, Should I Travel?

I often get this question in one form or another, but it wasn’t until a long time reader posted a comment asking just that question that I realized if she was still wondering, it was time I addressed it. Here is her comment:

“Any advice for a single, female, 27 years old who is thinking a lot (almost 3 years now) about taking a different road…no 9 to 5er, living a traveler’s life, etc. I am scare as i think anyone would be wanting to take a completely different path. how do i convince “myself” to take this step that I want to take rather than succumb to my fears as I have been?”

Essentially, “Should I travel”? The question itself sums up my entire journey and ultimately the reason I decided to create this site. I spent a long time thinking about what I ‘should’ do and it started young.  At first you’re preparing for college, so many things you should do: play sports (even if you’re terrible), take classes you think will look good on your transcript, or spend hours studying for the SAT.  Sure these things are good, and everyone should do it, but it doesn’t end there.

In college maybe you major in something you think will get you a job.  After school, perhaps you take a job you think will prepare you for some high paying gig in the future.  Five years later, you’re buying a house because you really should be thinking about your net worth.  Ten years later you’re a manager, and what should you do next?  I know, more hours, more networking, and bigger projects.

These aren’t bad things in and of themselves.  But it’s a kind of auto-pilot, a life run by consensus, based on how most people think we should be living our lives.  You’re doing everything right.  Then why are you questioning it?

It’s not just your career.  Everyone is ‘should’-ing all over the place. It’s the most American thing you can do. You eat a delicious meal, but you should be watching what you eat. You take an afternoon off, but you should have done something productive.  You want to travel, but you should be a responsible person and focus on other things.

It’s never enough.

Oh but it keeps going.  Some people find what they love. It could be travel, outdoor activities, political activism, crafts, religion or losing weight. They stopped ‘should’-ing themselves and started doing what makes them happy. But it doesn’t end there, because now they are telling everyone they meet how they should do exactly what they are doing.  (The Traveler says “You should travel!”, the Activist says, “You should get involved!” and so on).

The world is sending us mixed messages.  Which one is it?  We can’t do everything, so eventually we have to choose.  And we’re stressed because of all the infinite things on the should list.  We know we can’t do them all, but it’s still a thorn in your side.

So what exactly should you do?

You have to start with changing your perspective.  Accept that these shoulds, are nothing more than the subjective observations of other people.  People relate paraphrased versions of their own life in their advice.  Often they are relating what they wish they had done.  Shake off these ideas of a single way to live life.  Shake off the idea that if you take one misstep your whole life will be worse.  A single moment can change your life, but you can’t avoid that.  You won’t know when it comes, you can’t avoid it, it’s only in hindsight that you can see the fork in the road.  These things that you’re afraid will happen– they aren’t real.  I know the feeling, the doubt, the uncertainty, the fear.  I was afraid the moment I started thinking about going “off the path”.  What would happen to me?  Would I become another cautionary tale?  But the truth is, the real truth, there are no safety nets.  You’re no safer hiding out in a comfy job in a big city than you are on the road.  Don’t believe me?  We’ll get there.

Let’s go to the practical side of things. If you can let go of aspirations that don’t match what you actually want to do, there is still the question of what path to take. It’s a big commitment to take off for a year and travel around the world. Or is it?

The biggest question on most people’s minds is the Opportunity Cost. You can phrase it other ways like, “Will I regret this?” or “What will I be giving up to do this?” or “Won’t I be derailing my life for something rather frivolous?”

Here are some ways to shake up your thinking:

1. It could totally screw up your life. Do a search for websites where people traveled the world and completely regretted it because it ruined their lives. I couldn’t find any, but please let me know if you do.

2. Travel is expensive, especially when you consider lost income. Most people think like this, “I make $50K a year, so it’s costing me $50K to travel the world for a year.” This is incorrect. You’re paying $50K to maintain your lifestyle in the states. A more appropriate calculation is to take the total you put into savings and retirement accounts last year (I know some of you will say zero). This is the lost income, because you weren’t going to see the rest of it anyway. You’re sticking around so you can afford to stick around.

3. My career is going to be completely derailed. Oh shush. This is just plain fear talking. You could be laid off tomorrow, and you know what? you’d figure away around it. A year off from work is easily explained, and in fact it will give you some great skills that will probably help you in the long term anyway. You’ll learn how to read people, negotiate hard for better prices, be self sufficient, figure things out, keep your cool under pressure, make decisions and so on.

4. It would be smarter to just save my money and invest it. Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I lost a big chunk of my 401K this year because of the market. And even though it’s a great time to buy a house, it’s not like the market is going to rebound to 2003 prices in the next few years. But who knows? Think about this though… how much will a 10K investment make me in 1 year? How much would paying a mortgage for a year earn me in equity and saved taxes? In the big picture, i.e. in 25 years, will it matter so much that you’ll say, “Damn! I should have never missed that year of working to travel, what a fool I was!” Okay then.

5. Will I even like traveling, what about my comfortable bed back home? No idea on this one. The only way to know is to try it. Take a week vacation. Fake a death if you have to (3 days bereavement plus use 2 person days to “travel” to that out of state funeral) and travel somewhere nearby, say Mexico, but do it in the fashion you imagine you’d be traveling on the road. Try living on $20 a day, sleeping in hostels, taking local buses. Or take a week Spanish class in an immersion program (places in Guatemala are just $170 a week including living with a family and 3 meals a day) to get some quick local flavor. Or if travel is out of the question (you workaholic you, seriously we need to talk) try joining couch surfing and letting people crash on your couch for a weekend, where you can pump them for information about their travels.

Don’t worry though, if it seems like I’m trying to convince people to travel, I’m not.  You could take travel and replace it with anything and my advice would be the same.

Despite all of this advice, the thing that launches you out the door is some impedeus, perhaps a ‘sign’. You just wait, and one day it comes or it doesn’t. Some travel opportunity falls in your lap or you get fed up with work or your partner insists or you just get a feeling. But maybe with a little prodding, you can find that moment faster… or at least open yourself to seeing it when it comes. Then you’ll find whatever it is that you want to do and forget all about the should.