Should, Should, Should I Travel?
18. Feb, 2009 
35 Comments
I often get this question in one form or another, but it wasn’t until a long time reader posted a comment asking just that question that I realized if she was still wondering, it was time I addressed it. Here is her comment:
“Any advice for a single, female, 27 years old who is thinking a lot (almost 3 years now) about taking a different road…no 9 to 5er, living a traveler’s life, etc. I am scare as i think anyone would be wanting to take a completely different path. how do i convince “myself” to take this step that I want to take rather than succumb to my fears as I have been?”
Essentially, “Should I travel”? The question itself sums up my entire journey and ultimately the reason I decided to create this site. I spent a long time thinking about what I ‘should’ do and it started young. At first you’re preparing for college, so many things you should do: play sports (even if you’re terrible), take classes you think will look good on your transcript, or spend hours studying for the SAT. Sure these things are good, and everyone should do it, but it doesn’t end there.
In college maybe you major in something you think will get you a job. After school, perhaps you take a job you think will prepare you for some high paying gig in the future. Five years later, you’re buying a house because you really should be thinking about your net worth. Ten years later you’re a manager, and what should you do next? I know, more hours, more networking, and bigger projects.
These aren’t bad things in and of themselves. But it’s a kind of auto-pilot, a life run by consensus, based on how most people think we should be living our lives. You’re doing everything right. Then why are you questioning it?
It’s not just your career. Everyone is ‘should’-ing all over the place. It’s the most American thing you can do. You eat a delicious meal, but you should be watching what you eat. You take an afternoon off, but you should have done something productive. You want to travel, but you should be a responsible person and focus on other things.
It’s never enough.
Oh but it keeps going. Some people find what they love. It could be travel, outdoor activities, political activism, crafts, religion or losing weight. They stopped ‘should’-ing themselves and started doing what makes them happy. But it doesn’t end there, because now they are telling everyone they meet how they should do exactly what they are doing. (The Traveler says “You should travel!”, the Activist says, “You should get involved!” and so on).
The world is sending us mixed messages. Which one is it? We can’t do everything, so eventually we have to choose. And we’re stressed because of all the infinite things on the should list. We know we can’t do them all, but it’s still a thorn in your side.
So what exactly should you do?
You have to start with changing your perspective. Accept that these shoulds, are nothing more than the subjective observations of other people. People relate paraphrased versions of their own life in their advice. Often they are relating what they wish they had done. Shake off these ideas of a single way to live life. Shake off the idea that if you take one misstep your whole life will be worse. A single moment can change your life, but you can’t avoid that. You won’t know when it comes, you can’t avoid it, it’s only in hindsight that you can see the fork in the road. These things that you’re afraid will happen– they aren’t real. I know the feeling, the doubt, the uncertainty, the fear. I was afraid the moment I started thinking about going “off the path”. What would happen to me? Would I become another cautionary tale? But the truth is, the real truth, there are no safety nets. You’re no safer hiding out in a comfy job in a big city than you are on the road. Don’t believe me? We’ll get there.
Let’s go to the practical side of things. If you can let go of aspirations that don’t match what you actually want to do, there is still the question of what path to take. It’s a big commitment to take off for a year and travel around the world. Or is it?
The biggest question on most people’s minds is the Opportunity Cost. You can phrase it other ways like, “Will I regret this?” or “What will I be giving up to do this?” or “Won’t I be derailing my life for something rather frivolous?”
Here are some ways to shake up your thinking:
1. It could totally screw up your life. Do a search for websites where people traveled the world and completely regretted it because it ruined their lives. I couldn’t find any, but please let me know if you do.
2. Travel is expensive, especially when you consider lost income. Most people think like this, “I make $50K a year, so it’s costing me $50K to travel the world for a year.” This is incorrect. You’re paying $50K to maintain your lifestyle in the states. A more appropriate calculation is to take the total you put into savings and retirement accounts last year (I know some of you will say zero). This is the lost income, because you weren’t going to see the rest of it anyway. You’re sticking around so you can afford to stick around.
3. My career is going to be completely derailed. Oh shush. This is just plain fear talking. You could be laid off tomorrow, and you know what? you’d figure away around it. A year off from work is easily explained, and in fact it will give you some great skills that will probably help you in the long term anyway. You’ll learn how to read people, negotiate hard for better prices, be self sufficient, figure things out, keep your cool under pressure, make decisions and so on.
4. It would be smarter to just save my money and invest it. Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I lost a big chunk of my 401K this year because of the market. And even though it’s a great time to buy a house, it’s not like the market is going to rebound to 2003 prices in the next few years. But who knows? Think about this though… how much will a 10K investment make me in 1 year? How much would paying a mortgage for a year earn me in equity and saved taxes? In the big picture, i.e. in 25 years, will it matter so much that you’ll say, “Damn! I should have never missed that year of working to travel, what a fool I was!” Okay then.
5. Will I even like traveling, what about my comfortable bed back home? No idea on this one. The only way to know is to try it. Take a week vacation. Fake a death if you have to (3 days bereavement plus use 2 person days to “travel” to that out of state funeral) and travel somewhere nearby, say Mexico, but do it in the fashion you imagine you’d be traveling on the road. Try living on $20 a day, sleeping in hostels, taking local buses. Or take a week Spanish class in an immersion program (places in Guatemala are just $170 a week including living with a family and 3 meals a day) to get some quick local flavor. Or if travel is out of the question (you workaholic you, seriously we need to talk) try joining couch surfing and letting people crash on your couch for a weekend, where you can pump them for information about their travels.
Don’t worry though, if it seems like I’m trying to convince people to travel, I’m not. You could take travel and replace it with anything and my advice would be the same.
Despite all of this advice, the thing that launches you out the door is some impedeus, perhaps a ‘sign’. You just wait, and one day it comes or it doesn’t. Some travel opportunity falls in your lap or you get fed up with work or your partner insists or you just get a feeling. But maybe with a little prodding, you can find that moment faster… or at least open yourself to seeing it when it comes. Then you’ll find whatever it is that you want to do and forget all about the should.
Enjoyed the article. This is all so simple and easy to see, yet so hard to do. Especailly, hard to do with all the fear out there right now, though I have always found identifying what you want to be the hardest part.
Chad @ Sentient Money´s last blog post..The Fall of Dubai
“a life run by consensus” – well put!
As someone who sort of fell into a life of travel (well, the “your partner insists” impetus kind of applies), I’ve been amazed at the variety of opportunities you can find out there if you’re just willing to look.
Hal´s last blog post..This Is Home
I think this article sums up about everything I have ever heard from my non-traveling friends. I’ll have to direct them to this next time I hear a “I would like to but..” excuse.
As one of my high school teachers always told us, you MAKE time for the things that are important to you. If you can’t find the time to do something you’re really interested in, then I’d say your priorities are out of order. Think about it: how much time are you wasting on things and experiences that your don’t enjoy?
You can’t put a price on the experiences gained through traveling.
K.Rae´s last blog post..Thank Goodness for German Mothers
This sums up the doubts I had when we decided to go on extended trips. It did brought up good memories. I remembered that “fear” the day before I started my journey. I breathe in and plunge, fron then I never look back.
I agree with Chad. It’s all so simple…and yet so hard. But, looking from (almost) the other side I can say it’s been more simple than hard. The hard is all in my head…the logistics have been simple and have all fallen into place.
A ‘should’ life may be easy, but can be unfulfilling in the end. I want to live life, not have it live me. My favourite quote of all time, from The Shawshank Redemption…’Fear will hold you prisoner. Hope will set you free’.
Gillian´s last blog post..Nostalgic Already?
Great article, especially the point about travel screwing up lives. In all my research I never once found a person who traveled AND regretted the trip!
[F]oxymoron´s last blog post..Show Us What You Love
There’s a compromise that could be considered … look for a job that involves travelling; truck driver, flight attendant, join the Navy or whatever.
I had over 30 years of travelling on someone else’s dollar in the military … and was forever being asked when was I going to get a proper job!
Keith´s last blog post..Regimental Badges
What a great post. Definitely has me thinking of my reasons for not just getting up and going.
nicoleantoinette´s last blog post..so i’ve gained some weight. now what?
Christine, this post is amazing. Exactly what has been on my mind lately. I am currently planning on traveling this year, and actually taking the leap and doing it is exciting and scary at the same time. There are so many unknowns, but there are also so many experiences that I would miss out if I let those unknowns rule my life. Thank you so much for the inspiration.
Heather Ahrens´s last blog post..NiceServe
Bravo – well done. An old topic but a fresh view. *applause*
Andy Hayes´s last blog post..Inspiration to Travel
Punch fear in the mouth and let yourself go. The experiences and memories of travel last forever. And its a great way to open your mind to new ideas, thoughts, and people.
Excellent article! I love how you deal with the “shoulds” of life!
I love it!
Melanie´s last blog post..Feb 16, Orlando Florida Weather
The “should” is really hard to break away from. About seven years ago there was a Credit Suisse commercial that had a timeline with all the “shoulds” of a person’s life, from birth to marriage to houses to children to retirement. It really freaked me out because it felt like life was pre-programmed. There is nothing implicitly bad in the “shoulds,” but it’s not for everyone and people ought not to feel burdened by these expectations. Breaking away is scary – the most difficult thing is making the decision to do it and then actually committing.
Like you, I’ve never met a person or found anything online about someone who has regretted taking time to travel. I do worry occasionally about whether I’ve thrown away my career. But in reality, I wasn’t happy in what I was doing before so that’s actually a good thing.
Thanks for another great post.
Audrey´s last blog post..The Day That Dreamhost Died
There’s a couple of comments above where people say they’re worrying about the effect (of travel) on career, so I thought I’d throw in my 2c for perspective. We’re in the process of planning an extended trip so I can’t speak as a truly experienced long-term traveler, but both my husband and I have left (well-paying, professional) positions more than once in the past 10 years as we’ve been raising our children. Why? Well, I was never quite satisfied with someone else looking after my children whether it was a center-based childcare/school or an in-home nanny situation. So, we’ve alternated being the at-home parent and once both our children were in school, I’ve worked various p/t positions.
Here’s the important thing: I’ve never had a problem getting or keeping a position and I’m making about the same amount of money as if I had stayed working all the time.
So, there you have it. Go for it. Don’t let your career get in the way. There’s a ton of other reasons why you might have to stop working, at least with travel you get to go somewhere fun
wandermom´s last blog post..Proposed Cornwall Trip Itinerary
the downside to having a really popular travel blog (shameless plug) is that i get this question about 3 times a day (the other 3 time a day question is always how do you afford to travel) and i got to say, i don’t like this question. A lot of people who ask this question are looking for you to answer all their problems and tell them what to do and i’m not really comfortable doing that. I lay it bare on my site about how to travel but i don’t like being you should do this or that. only you can decide. I can say, like you did on the bottom, why your fears are unfounded but at the end of the day, only you can make that decision. if you really want it, you’ll do it.
Nomadic Matt´s last blog post..Building a Better Website
I’ll second Matt; most people just want answers. But we all have different goals, commitments, value structures, backgrounds and experiences, there will never be a single answer to “should I travel”; thus thank you Christine for continuing to share many of your own questions and answers.
Matt- I dont mind the question, because I remember when I was at that phase too… sitting there in my job, thinking about traveling but not having a single person I could ask advice from… and just wanting someone to tell me I wasn´t crazy. I´ll take their emails any day.
Thanks for the reference to Al Franken and “shouding all over yourself.”
I too have been dreaming of travel for years. I too have the house etc., mostly because my partner wanted to, and I’m really ready to move on. My excuse is money, but just like everything else, it’s really just an excuse.
This year I’ve decided I’ll save up the money to afford a month of travel. I can give up new clothes and things like pedicures and sell the pearl necklace I bought twenty years ago and never wear. That will get me started.
Thanks for the inspiration.
Beth Partin´s last blog post..Cherry Creek Mosey
Beth- That’s funny because I thought Al Franken stole that from me!
Actually I hadn’t heard that before, but a friend of mine in college had a hand written note over his desk that said, “Don’t should on yourself.” Which always stuck with me, and could very well be a quote from Mr. Franken. I only steal from the best.
That was me before venturing off to South America: what about my job, what about this, blah blah blah… then I came back and can’t wait to get out of this freaking country. All the research I did (or anyone of us do before doing this for the first time) before leaving last year for nine weeks doesn’t seem to be the case for my next jump across the planet.
I’ll do it because I can and worry about the details when I get there next time around. Forget the excuses. Don’t be your own obstacle.
Anthony´s last blog post..Don’t Call It a Comeback
Thanks Christine for a great article and advice:)
Great post! I like to read posts like this because it reinforces things in your own mind – like I DEFINITELY need to travel!
I’ve found that the only people who give bad reports about travelling are those who have never done it because they’re too afraid!
Beth – I’ve used the house excuse as well…we’re in the process of trying to rent our house out to make it possible to go for 18 months – anythings possible!
On the job front – work isn’t the most important thing in the world and you will always be able to find something here and something there to get by. For me I’ve decided that happiness is more important (plus, there is a small chance you could win the lottery!). xx
So true! Great post. I took the leap in November nad am still traveling – i have NO regrets. INstead I am learning so much about myself, my skills (discovering new ones) and making new friends along the way. It’s amazing to see peoples reactions when you tell them you just took time off to travel. They think you have to be rich to do it but it’s so not true! I spend so much less here than I do back home. I am at month 3 of travel and was supposed to be back after week 6 but I can’t seem to want to go home… who knows maybe I will travel for a full year!
Lily´s last blog post..Donkey Racing On The Beach
Once you’ve given up the job and traveled, you can’t imagine not having done it. I did it with a very young child and it was so rewarding that now I’m trying to figure out how to do it again with two kids in tow.
My husband and I were just talking last night about how we feel like traveling for a year changed our perspective and way of living our life. When we returned, we set things up so that we weren’t simply working to support our way of life but to give us chances to travel and to spend time with our kids. This has left us in a very good position as the economy has tanked.
Motherofalltrips´s last blog post..Counting my blessings
I understand this hesitation. I see it in myself, but I also see it in my friends when I invite them to join us.
One thing is always certain…if at any time you don’t want to travel anymore, you can always go home.
Sara´s last blog post..What Foolish Travelers We Once Were
Opportunity costs come in two flavours. Personally, travel is all about the experience. You are not leaving your life behind just choices. Open one door and others appear…life is linear in that there is a beginning and end but that doesn’t mean it has to be a straight path!
Very very inspiring – thank you all for sharing. About 10 years ago I felt freer to travel and took 6 months off to hike the Appalachian Trail, and I could not stop and took other short term trips over the next 2-3 years. I didn’t let the financial loss discourage me. But now in my 40s I think about that more, but the desire to travel has never gone away.
Christine – you mentioned that it’s the savings that is the lost income – I’m just curious how you address this – do you save up enough before you travel to compensate, or just look at the loss as a trade-off of your traveling?
I’d love to hear how others approach this, just to gather ideas.
Thanks,
Robyn
Very very inspiring Christine, thank you for this great article!
Personally, that lost income is my biggest stumbling block. And not only that, I think of what will I be doing after I come back, can I still find a decent paying job? will that lost income of a year ruin my savings for my future? etc etc.
But yeah, I’m hoping I can do what I love and get paid for it. So.. to Travel.. and get paid for it. Still working on that tho ;p
Great post! Maybe this is my sign. I have been thinking of the pros and cons of taking off for a year. My biggest stumbling block (besides cash and figuring out how to support the house/bills while I am gone for a year) is what will people think? Most of the people I know are cubicle dwellers and I am sure most will think I lost my damn mind. On the other hand, I can’t remember much of what I do when I am home but every travel memory has been permanently seared into my mind. Thanks for the insight.
I absolutely love your post and agree wholeheartedly. Ultimately life begins when you stop making excuses and start putting your mind to the goal. I look back on my life 3 years ago and could never have believed we would be planning our own adventure around the world. I talk to so many people that express jealousy, and my response always follows your advice here…you can do it, too. I hope that your readers jump on the opportunity awaiting them.
Thank you for the sage advice and keep up the wonderful articles. They are a true inspiration to keep us focused.
Warren
Warren Talbot´s last blog post..Give Back: The Fifth Sign of a Great Life
Inspiring post.
JLL´s last blog ..Hibiscus Tea Lowers Blood Pressure
I really enjoy reading all of your articles and am a follower on Twitter. I read carefully all the pros and cons to your dilemma and I can only come up with one response. I am much older than you and am just now considering travel for no reason but to travel. I regret that I wasn’t brave enough when I was younger to just pack up and go. There will always be other income and a place to come home to. But new adventures and experiences can disappear in the blink of an eye, never to come our way again. No fear!
Diana´s last blog ..Christmas Through the Looking Glass