Coming Home and the Two Month Rule
04. Feb, 2009 
9 Comments
When I left for Central America, sans husband, I wasn’t sure how long I’d travel before I’d see him again. The longest we’d ever been apart was 2 weeks. Once. Most of the time, we’re together an absurdly large amount of time. We both work during the day in the same office. We’ve been known to go weeks if not months spending 90% of our time in the same physical space. There are plenty of couples that would loath this, but for us it works.
So needless to say, the idea of strapping on my backpack and heading to Central America solo was a little daunting.
I had no return flight, no set dates, I was just going to wing it and figure out when it felt “right”. That is, when I couldn’t stand being away from my husband any longer.
It came the last week in December. I was wrapping up my fourth week of Spanish classes, ready to move on to the next place, when I noticed myself preoccupied. I was constantly thinking about him. I would hop out of bed in the morning and check for a text from him. I’d check my phone all day long. Everyone at the school agreed, I was obsessed with my phone, taking it with me everywhere, writing texts during breaks, checking it under the table at meals.
I could handle traveling alone, but it started being clear that I wasn’t going to enjoy traveling if I was constantly sending my thoughts back home. So I booked a flight from Cancun to Boston. It was almost exactly 2 months from when I had left, and couldn’t come soon enough.
My husband and I dubbed it the Two Month Rule. The maximum amount of time we will ever consider being apart. After that point, Christine starts sending 20 texts a day and acts like a heartbroken teenager. It wasn’t pretty.
It is also the exact amount of time for our dogs to forget all of the rules and go feral.
So I spent the last 3 weeks in Vermont, in the cold and snow. I paced out my posts, so you won’t be hearing daily rants on Why Is Vermont So Cold, Exactly? and Wow My Husband is Awesome and Stuff. It’ll be like those three weeks never happened for you, the readers. But in summary, it was everything you hope a reunion will be plus a little bittersweet. This week, I’m back on the road, starting at Cancun and hitting everything that I can as I head south to find an apartment where the DH and dogs can join me.
Although I think the dogs have gotten used to their new Nordic life:
Just yesterday I was wondering where you were – your last posts have not indicated (I see now that you planned it that way!).
Two months would be way too long for me! J and I also spend a tremendous amount of time together (and yes, other people do wonder how we do it). I would probably enjoy being alone for a little bit to, you know, assert my independance etc, but then I too would be like a lovesick teenager. That’s how I know this coming year together will be more than fine.
I’m glad that you’re going to be on the road again, and glad that you’re husband is going to join you.
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It’s hard, isn’t it. My wife and I were apart for four months. I just wrapped up a three visit with her. We shall be apart another five months before she returns home. Seeing her was good. Leaving her and thinking of another five months is almost unbearable.
You have to see your relationship/love in an abstract sense. That’s not easy, thinking “I love him/her, but I’ll put that in the back of my mind.” Acting like a love-lorn 16-year-old sucks, no matter what age you are. I have to stay very busy in order to be anything but mopey.
I’m glad Hubby will be joining you.
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I TOTALLY get this. Before I met Francisco (well, before I married him; we were friends for five years before we got married), I was a totally independent globe trotter who traveled alone. But since we both work at home, like you and Drew, we’re accustomed to spending our days together, and like you guys, we’re just fine with that. In 2008, we were fortunate to be able to travel a lot together, and I saw the world in a whole new way, as he did, sharing it together as we did. I also continue to travel a lot alone, though, because his immigration status prevents him from traveling to most countries. When I’m gone, I find myself wishing he could be along for the ride, and though I’m present where I am when I’m there, I’m also really really happy when I get back home.
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Two months is a long time. I’m glad that DH is coming to join you and those dogs are just too cute.
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That snow scene looks so perfectly tranquil. I mostly complain about winter, but there is something very calming and reassuring about that crisp air and snow-covered scenery.
Good luck with the apartment search. I’m glad your husband will be able to join you again very soon!
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Two months is a long time, I have been a perpetual traveler for so long, I came up with a Traveler Rules for when a person stops traveling.Three Month Traveler Rule
Two months sounds about right to me. I’m still in the planning stage for travel, and my husband still says things like, “Why do you want to leave me?” But I think we’ll both get used to the idea and, if I travel like this enough, he’ll find a way to join me.
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For the past two years, I’ve been living in Japan. My girlfriend is in Brazil. We saw each other 3 times, or 5 months out of 24. If you strech it a bit, we met 28 months ago, so we spent 9 months together and 19 apart.
It’s crazy. I couldn’t agree more with the 2-month rule. 5 or 6 months apart, wow. I don’t know how we managed it. Somehow, we did. Although we had a 6-month rule, hahaha!
Right now she’s coming to Japan for good. As I write this, the must be changing planes in NY. And from now on, no more than 5 days apart.
Cheers,
Diogo
Glad to find you again, Christine, and glad that you’ve found a lifestyle that brings you greater happiness!
I traveled the U.S. and Canada for eight and a half weeks, and I was surprised to make it through without it being too hard on my marriage. That said, I was able to check in visually with Skype periodically, which is way, way better than the phone calls and texting we also used to stay in touch on a more regular basis. Somehow *seeing* her, even if over a computer screen, was a more satisfying way to tide me over until the next communication. Of course, wifi is not available everywhere one goes, but even once every week or two is better than not seeing each other for all that time, as I’m sure you can attest!