The Care and Feeding of Gringos

There should be a book. It would be written in Spanish, have detailed instructions and be mandatory reading for every language exchange host family. Actually I secretly think there is already such a book, as most of the families already knew the rules.

But first things first: who is a gringo? Everyone. It might have been at one time that a gringo was American, and I’m sure there are plenty of Canadians and Europeans that cling to this hope, but the fact is, if you have white skin (meaning fairer skin than the locals, regardless of ethnic background), Spanish isn’t your first language, and you come from somewhere else… You’re a gringo.

Don’t worry, it’s changed meanings over time and while some people may mean it in a derogatory fashion, it’s common use is just: foreigner. And maybe a slightly delicate one at that.

If you aren’t familiar with the strange ways of the gringo, here are some tips:

1. You have to explain everything to gringos. Even the basic stuff like, don’t throw the toilet paper in the toilet (I mean duh, you’ll just clog the pipes) and having a sign that states as much in English is highly recommended. If you can put one of these signs in every bathroom, public and private, all the better. Also using the shower seems to confuse the heck out of them, so you’ll have to walk them through how to turn the single knob all the way up, then slowly decrease the pressure until a trickle of hot water appears.

2. Try to feed the gringos on a regular basis, but only include frijoles once a day. Now it seems weird that anyone wouldn’t want beans with every meal, but if you want to prevent your student from spending the first week en el baño, then this is recommended. Foreign foods like spaghetti and pizza are good choices too, but if you don’t have all the ingredients improvise. A little salsa on noodles works and tortillas with queso fresco are practically the same thing.

3. Speaking of food, gringos are like newborn babies. You have to prepare their food very carefully– using only purified water, cooking everything through and soaking veggies and fruits in chlorinated water before serving, lest they get a “parasite” or “amoeba”. Also, don’t let them see you drop food on the ground, they tend to get upset about this. You might also want to warn them about street vendors, who aren’t as well versed in the ways of gringo food preparation.

4. Speak slowly and clearly to your gringo. They probably only understand the words mas and bueno, so learning how to mime entire conversations will get you through those awkward first days (hopefully they’ll learn more Spanish over time, but not always.) If you can get one with some previous Spanish, you’re lucky. Use this as an opportunity to tell all your silly Spanish mistakes stories, like that time a student tried to order a beer with sperm on it or the time one gringo pointed to their head, asked for aspirin and said they had a horse-ache.

5. Gringos are too polite. They aren’t going to tell you if they’re unhappy or cold or hungry. Best to nip those problems in the bud (before they run off to the school to switch homes) by asking them everyday if they are happy, if they like it there, if they like the food or if they’re cold. In the first days, you can just pantomime these things by pointing to your smile, pointing to their food and then rubbing your belly.

6. Your gringo is part of the family now! Sure they kissed your Uncle directly on the cheek and shook your mother’s hand and keep thanking you for dinner BEFORE they’ve even eaten anything, but they’re kin. Treat them as such, and they’ll never be happier.

And the very best Gringo Wrangler? My host mom, Veronica, who I privately referred to as my Mémère. She would talk for hours with me, give me big hugs and just loved to laugh. She’s been in the gringo-biz for 12 years now, so she’s pretty much an expert.