Finding What You Love Doesn’t Stop When You Find It

If you been following my story to date, you’ll know that last year I found myself in a curious position:  finally achieving the career and financial objectives I spent my twenties working towards, yet deeply unhappy.  I had a title, a corporate card, a great team and was paid handsomely for my efforts.  But I was bored out of my mind.  So with the help of a husband who patiently pushed me towards change, I made one of the toughest decisions of my life.  I would quit my job, travel full time and start a career as writer and photographer.

There is a reason many people don’t do this.  It’s hard.  Your gut wrenches at the idea of what you’re giving up.  You question yourself for gambling on yourself, placing a bet of your entire future on your ability to make it work.  You either have to be extremely confident or at the end of your rope.  I was the latter.  There’s a reason this site is called Almost Fearless.  I was never the gung ho adventuring savant like Virgin’s Richard Branson.  I made the leap, but believe me, I thought, “Dear Lord, what have I done!” the entire way.

Fast Forward

Now I am nearly four months into my life redesign.  I spent the summer living in Madrid, traveling around Europe, writing, taking photos, and learning so much about the industry, my craft and the idiosyncrasies of half a dozen countries.  It was like travel writing boot camp.  I’m back in the states, making my way towards Mexico later this month, and I’ve fully accepted my decision.

That’s right.  It’s taken me four months to finally accept that this isn’t just some quarter-life crisis.

I recently held a contest where folks told me where they would go and why if I gave them my AA miles.  It truly broke my heart.  “I’ve never left NH” one person wrote.  Even people who personally know me, say, “I could never do that.”  They know someone who did do it, who it worked out great for, and yet they prevent themselves from even indulging in the fantasy of traveling.

It doesn’t get easier

So I get it.  I really do.  I would be on the other side of this blog, right now, reading along — not writing, if I didn’t get so beat down by my job.  I am really lucky.  Most people have jobs they hate but are tolerable.  A mediocre life will trap you faster and better than a terrible one.  But the truth is that it’s not as simple as throwing yourself down a path and suddenly everything will be perfect.  You have to keep making that same decision over and over again, in ways you wouldn’t anticipate.

• I had offers from advertisers that would make me lots of money but would turn this site into a spammy link farm and me a slave to keywords and SEO.
• I’ve had to push myself not to hide behind my blog and actually put myself out there pitching the big magazines and newspapers– because if I don’t ask, they can’t say “yes”.
• I turned down a writing gig that would have been steady pay, but would have forced me to write the worst kind of internet sludge.
• I had a job offer for double my old salary.  I said no, but my heart said, “What! Don’t be Crazy!”

In short, I have to say no to things that would make me cash in the short term, but would undermine my long term goals.  I didn’t quit my job so I could trade one bad boss for a host of bad clients.

Managing Christine, Inc.

Not selling out is one thing, but then what?  You have to fill your life with things you love.  That sounds easy, but there is a certain amount of baggage associated with it.  It means quitting things.  It means giving up.  It means really analyzing your reasons for doing things (is it approval?  is it fear?).  It means being on constant look out for the slippery slope that is: Making Other People Happy.  It means finding your joy.

There are plenty of get happy quick schemes, but the real work comes when you’re willing to fall flat on your face for a better life.  It doesn’t get easier, but it’s definitely worth it.