In 2008, I quit my corporate job, sold off everything I owned and moved overseas with my husband Drew. Since then we've traveled around the world, started our careers over as creative types and nurtured our love of sleeping in late. Oh and we had a baby. Cole, our almost 2 year old has been traveling since he was four months old and probably knows more Thai than me (not that he brags).
Did I Mention You Can Visit?
When you announce to your family that you are quitting your job, selling everything and moving half way around the world with the intention of traveling indefinitely, you might be met with any range of responses from “Wow that’s awesome” to “Really?”
When it comes to your family though, I think it’s what isn’t said that is more potent. One thing I hadn’t anticipated was the underlying subtext that would permeate every conversation. You’re not leaving the country; you’re leaving them. You’re not quitting your job; your quitting what they have said is important. You’re not selling everything; you’re dismissing things they value. They don’t say it; they would never. But how could such a radical life change be anything less than a statement on your life—and by proxy a statement about how they have chosen to live their lives?
It’s one of the things they don’t mention in the 4-hour work week or in any travel guide. Leaving friends and family is hard, to be sure, but navigating the sensitive subject of “why” is more difficult. How do you explain your desire to leave, without sounding like a crass ingrate?
Perhaps these feelings don’t come up when you’re 22 and backpacking through SE Asia. You’re young, seeing the world, it’s to be expected, encouraged. But when you’re a 31 year old, established professional, with a home full of possessions, a spouse, two dogs and parents ready for grandchildren, it isn’t about youthful indiscretions. You’re taking a path outside the norm, subverting the years of social programming that said you “can’t” or you “shouldn’t”. In short, you are saying, “there is something better”.
But families are supportive, and instead of confronting your choice, they play wait and see. It isn’t DEFCON 1, yet. But little things do slip out, I’ve noticed. “I hope you find what you are looking for.” Certainly not a “Stella!” moment, but it’s there. The little hints that maybe you are being frivolous. “It’s too bad you got the dogs, it will be really hard on them.” The tiniest disapproval wrapped in concern. “Well will I at least see you once before you leave?” Gesundheit.
I can completely understand their feelings, but I’m still at a loss for to handle the situation. I want to smooth things over, but how? I want them to feel warm and happy about this change, just like I do. I have no doubt that they are happy for me… I just want them to be happy with me.
How do you make family feel loved and appreciated while being half a world away?