In preparation for my trip, I’ve been reading every single travel book that I can find. I’m starting to sense some themes. There is some really great travel writing out there. And then there is the rest of it. When it comes to bad travel writing, here are some of the standouts:

It’s All About Me.

Best Example: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I’m female so I’m prone to being interested in the inner workings of other people. But please don’t blab so incessantly about yourself, that you obscure everything else in the book. She literally went to Italy, India and Indonesia and what I remember most about the book is her crying in the bathroom and freaking out during meditation camp. Drama. You know you’ve come across one of these when you’re actually rooting against the author before the end of the book.

Literal Real Time Recounting.

Best Example: A Year in the World by Frances Mayes.

You went to a museum? Great! Please, please don’t detail every painting you saw. Museums are great and all, but really do I need to read about art I can’t see? Also, unless something happened, I don’t need to know that you 1. walked to dinner 2. ate dinner 3. detail what you ate 4. walked back to your hotel room. Just let me know in passing. This a chapter does not make. If you think you might claw your eyes out by page 3, you may have found one of these books.

I am Awesomely Funny, Look at Me!

Best Example: Sex Lives of Cannibals by J. Maarten Troost.

Steve Martin presents, ‘Wild and Crazy Travel Writing”: I brought a sweater to the equatorial pacific! These locals are crazy! I am crazy! I am doing crazy things with locals! Ok, so these books can be funny, but only in small doses. It’s like spending time with your ADD addled 6 year nephew who insists on playing the “look what I can do” game until you or any nearby adult finally cracks and says, “That’s great, now go play outside!” If you starting rolling your eyes at the non-stop antics, you’ll know what I mean.

I am Bad Ass, Look at Me!

Best Example: Do Travel Writer’s Go to Hell? By Thomas Kohnstamm

Here is the premise in a nutshell: I tried to sell drugs! (but I was too nervous to ask people if they wanted any). I had sex with a girl on a table! I drank al-co-hol. Did you hear that? I was Drinking. How to spot: If you’re not impressed with a story, just because someone partied like a college kid, then you might have found one of these.

In conclusion

If you noticed that these are all titles of successful books—don’t worry that didn’t get past me either. Also, based on this research, I fully intended to write my own highly successful travel book. It will be called, “The Hilarious Travel Adventures of Me: A Meticulously Detailed Accounting of my Year Abroad, Feeling Depressed and Drinking Too Much.” Look out Oprah’s book club here I come!

Related posts

• What to Say When You’re Quitting (20)
• The Emotional Landscape of a Life Change (1)
• The Beginning (0)
• So Long, and Thanks for All the Drinks (8)
• Overcoming Internal Objections and Finding a Career You Love (10)